Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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