I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
