True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
