How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
