Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
