Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
