I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
smell my finger.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
