Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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