Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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