i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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