Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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