nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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