R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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