I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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