I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize