So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
