did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
