when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
