I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
