I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
