i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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