im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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