Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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