well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
