when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
