At least make sure they are 18
Why
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
