Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
