i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
They have beer where we have blood.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
