I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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