I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
