new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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