We're facebook friends in real life
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
