so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
