So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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