Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
