If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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