Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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