My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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