So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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