Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
