You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
