I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
