i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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