She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize