Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
lol hangovers are for mortals.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
