Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
