I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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