my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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