Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
