Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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