He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just want to make out with him forever
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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