Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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