well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
