I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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