im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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