i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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