hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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