How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
