Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
