I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
