I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
