You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
