my being single is dangerous.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
