If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
